Wesley leapt forward, hands out, trying to catch it before it hit the ground, but he was too late! The ice cream cone splattered onto the floor, spraying chocolate and strawberry everywhere.

“Noooooo!” he screamed, picking it up with tears in his eyes. “Why me? Why me?”

All his classmates just stared at him.

He started licking the edges of the cone, and two of the girls giggled at him.

“Hey bozo,” said Rezzit, from inside the Tracker Watch. “You’re scaring people. Stop it.”

“I love ice cream,” Wesley cried softly. “Why did this happen, Rezzit? Why?”

“Because you’re a klutz, that’s why. Hold the cone with both hands next time. Two-year-olds are more coordinated than you.”

“You’re not very nice.”

“You just noticed?”

“Attention, students!” called the tour guide, clapping her hands together like she was training seals. “We need to keep moving if we’re going to see the rest of the exhibits! Is everyone done with their ice cream?”

Wesley blubbered loudly.

“All right then! Now we’ve seen the history of trade and navy ships on the high seas… but do you know the thing those sailors feared most?”

“Wesley driving the ship?” a kid suggested, and everyone laughed.

“Pirates!” said the tour guide, with an enormous grin on her face. “Who knows what pirates are?”

“They’re bad!” said one kid.

“They have eye patches!” said another.

“And peg legs!”

“And parrots that talk!”

The tour guide nodded, and pointed to a pirate flag painted on the wall above her. Her face went dark and scary, and she spoke in a booming, angry voice.

“But pirates were more than that! They were the scourge of the seven seas! The flag with the skull and crossbones — the Jolly Roger — struck fear into the hearts of even the bravest sailors!”

The class was quiet, a little bit scared themselves.

“So…” said the guide, suddenly cheerful again. “Who wants to learn about pirates?”

A loud cheer erupted, and the students all flowed out of the room behind the guide, laughing and pretending to have sword fights with each other.

Wesley got up off the ground and threw the rest of his ice cream in the trash. But then he noticed something: his classmate, David, was outside, looking across the ocean, all by himself.

Wesley leaned his head out the door. The Maritime Museum was built inside a real old navy ship, which meant it was surrounded by water on all sides. Wesley was scared of boats, so he wasn’t too excited to be going outside.

“Hey David!” he hissed. “We’re going! Come on!”

David didn’t move. He seemed to be crying.

“David?” Wesley said, squeaking the railing carefully. “Are you okay?”

David didn’t look at him. He kept staring into the ocean. But he said: “They didn’t give me any ice cream.”

Wesley nodded.

“Yeah, me neither.”

“You dropped yours, it’s different,” said David.

“Is not. I didn’t get to eat it.”

“But they gave you one,” David argued. “They completely ignored me and didn’t give me any.”

“But I know what it’s like to—”

“No you don’t.”

“Well it doesn’t matter and la la la, I can’t hear you,” grumbled Wesley, wishing he hadn’t been nice to David after all. “Now are you coming with me or what?”

David looked at him sadly.

“I think I’m going to stay here alone for a while.”

Wesley frowned.

“Well then I’m staying with you.”

“Then I won’t be alone.”

“I know,” smiled Wesley.

David didn’t even blink for a minute. “I don’t think you understand what I’m saying.”

“Listen,” said Wesley, before catching sight of something truly odd in the corner of his eye. “Hold on a second. I’ll be right back.”

He ran back into the ship and stopped in front of the exit with his arms crossed. Creeping down the hallway was his teddy bear, Crash, wearing a pirate bandana, eye patch, fake hook hand, with a plastic sword and stuffed toy parrot. He looked scary, but not in a scary way.

“Crash!” Wesley hissed. “What do you think you’re doing?”

Crash stopped, looked up at Wesley, and tried to act like there was nothing wrong.

“Nuffin,” he said innocently. “Why?”

“Where did you get all that pirate stuff?”

“Da gift shop?”

“And how did you pay for it?”

Crash started staring at imaginary ants on the ceiling, which made him look very suspicious indeed.

“I don’t wemember,” he said.

“Crash, you can’t steal things.”

“I’m a piwate! Piwates steal stuff!”

“You’re not a pirate!”

“Yes I am! Wook at my hook!” He held up his hook hand and waved it around. “Auggg matey!”

Wesley snatched the hook hand away and pointed an angry finger at Crash’s nose.

“You bring this stuff back right now or you’re not getting any more cheesy snacks for the rest of your life.”

“You’re bwuffing,” said Crash, eyes narrowing.

“Am I?” Wesley said, being as serious as he could with chocolate ice cream splattered on his forehead. “Do you want to find out?”

Neither one of them moved for a second. But then…

“Wook! A wino-wiwwa!” Crash shouted.

Wesley turned around quickly, ready to fight one of the rhino-rillas… but there was none there! He turned back around, and Crash was gone!

“CRASH!” he yelled. “Get back here!”

Crash went running as fast as his little furry legs could carry him. But the floor was slippery, and he lost his balance because of all the pirate gear, and he slipped and fell straight out the door!

Wesley gasped in horror as Crash crashed into David, sending him toppling overboard, into the ocean below!

Wesley rushed to the railing, leaned over, and saw David splashing around in the water, gasping for air.

“David!” he yelled. “Hold on!”

“Help!” David choked. “I can’t swim!”

“Just wave your arms around and you’ll be fine!” Wesley called, looking for a life preserver or a rope or something.

David started waving his arms around, but all it did was make him sink.

“No!” yelled Wesley. “Not that way, the other way!”

But it was too late. David had disappeared beneath the waves!

“I’ve never seen anyone so useless in my life,” Wesley grumbled.

“Look in a mirror.”

Wesley climbed up on the railing, took a deep breath, and then leapt in after David. Just before he hit the water he hit the Tracker Watch and shouted: “Torrent on!”

TorrentBoy cut through the waves and started kicking fast, trying to catch up. It took him a second before he could see anything, but then he caught sight of David, kicking and flailing, pushing himself deeper with every movement.

Wesley was terrible at swimming lessons, always stuck in second level with all the kindergarteners, but TorrentBoy was even worse. All the armour weighed him down.

Luckily, “down” was exactly where he wanted to be, so he swam as hard as he could, finally catching hold of David’s shirt.

The trouble with being underwater is the lack of air, and TorrentBoy was finding it especially hard not to breathe. Worse yet, David was looking like he was about to drown. They needed TorrentBubbles around them, and fast!

“Blugggah slurrrrrrk!” TorrentBoy yelled.

He had to remember not to try and speak underwater. He started to freak out, swinging his arms and legs around just like David, so they both looked like a pair of electrocuted spiders in the wind.

“Need some help?” Rezzit asked.

TorrentBoy nodded urgently.

“Say please.”

TorrentBoy sneered.

“Just kidding. Here we go! TorrentBubbles!”

A pair of electric-blue bubbles shot from the depths of the ocean and wrapped themselves around TorrentBoy and David, letting them float safely in a cushion of air.

They both barfed up water.

“That was a close one,” TorrentBoy gasped.

“Everything’s a close one with you,” Rezzit sighed.

“Th-th-thank you!” David said from his bubble. “It’s a good thing you were nearby!”

“I love the ocean,” TorrentBoy smiled. “Well, I mean, from the outside. Down here, it’s not as much fun.”

“No kidding,” agreed David. “I think I have a starfish stuck in my ear.”

“Don’t worry,” TorrentBoy said. “We’ll get back up to the surface in no time! Just hold on!”

All of a sudden, David’s bubble shot sideways and down deeper. TorrentBoy watched him go for a second.

“That’s not what I was expecting,” he said.

Before he could investigate, his bubble got hit with a giant blast, and went tumbling down too! It was like bobsledding inside a clothes dryer, spinning in circles and feeling quite ill. TorrentBoy grabbed hold of the sides of the bubble and tried not to pass out.

Before he knew it, things had calmed down, and he was floating so deep in the ocean that the sun above was barely visible anymore. The brightest thing he could see was…

“Look out!” Rezzit shouted, but it was too late! A giant twelve-level submarine smashed right into the bubble, sending it spinning again!

“I hate this job sometimes,” TorrentBoy grumbled as the bubble slowed again. He looked around for David, but couldn’t see anything past the giant submarine. It was bright blue and yellow, with a big proud-looking eagle painted on the side, right above the words: “PROTECTORATE GUARD”.

“Protectorate?” TorrentBoy asked. “Protecting from what?”

“Avast!” boomed a voice from behind, and he turned in time to see a smaller black-and-red submarine go charging by, firing its energy cannons like crazy. The Protectorate ship shook as the blasts hit, almost knocking it on its side. It spun around, opened half-dozen ports in its shell, and fired back!

One of the shots glanced off TorrentBoy’s bubble, and a small flood of water shot in.

“I don’t want to be a party pooper,” said Rezzit, “but I don’t think you should be here anymore.”

“No kidding,” TorrentBoy nodded, looking around for David urgently.

Finally, he found him! Stuck on the tail of the black ship, waving his arms around again!

“Rezzit!” TorrentBoy called. “Give me a boost!”

“Boosters on!” Rezzit said, as the bubble shot forward at an incredible pace. They smashed straight into David and kept on going, swirling through a school of fish.

“Rezzit!” TorrentBoy yelled. “I’m going to throw up! Stop it!”

All at once, the bubble stopped spinning, and TorrentBoy collapsed onto the ground.

“What a baby,” Rezzit sighed.

From this far away, the battle between the Protectorate Guard and the black ship didn’t look so bad. It was like fireworks, reflected in a pool of water. The Protectorate ship was getting blasted pretty hard, though…

“Are those… pirates?” David gasped, and then TorrentBoy saw it too: a big jolly roger painted on the side of the black ship! Real, actual pirates!

“Looks like it!” TorrentBoy nodded, watching the Protectorate ship start to run away from the enemy. “Pirates are bad guys, right, Rezzit?”

“Don’t go dragging me into this.”

“But I’m supposed to help the good guys, and from here, it looks like the good guys are about to get blown up.”

“They’ve got a giant ship with blasters,” Rezzit said. “I’m sure they’ll be fine.”

Just then, a giant boom rippled through the water and a flash blinded them. When things calmed down, the Protectorate ship was on fire on one side.

“That’s it!” TorrentBoy said. “I’m sticking my nose where it doesn’t below! Let’s go!”

Both bubbles shot forward so fast the pirates had no way to react. They were smashed from behind, spun around and pushed down, further into the darkness. Gun ports along the back opened up, but they couldn’t hit TorrentBoy or David… they were moving too fast!

“What cowards be ye!” came the voice from the pirate ship. “Come an’ fight fair!”

“Look who’s talking!” TorrentBoy yelled back. “That’s the last time you pick on the good guys!”

“Bah!” shouted the pirate. “Ye know nothin’ of it!”

One of the blasts came dangerously close to hitting David’s bubble. TorrentBoy glanced over his shoulder quickly.

“You okay back there, David?”

“I’m okay!” David yelled back. “Just… where are all these fish coming from?”

“It’s the ocean, David. That’s where fish live.”

“No, not that,” David said as another blast shot by. “It’s a lot of fish, and they’re all going in the same direction…”

TorrentBoy noticed it too. Lots and lots of tiny fish, all racing past them, as if… something… were… chasing…

“Full power!” the pirate voice yelled suddenly. “Full power and hard to starboard!”

TorrentBoy turned himself around and saw what the fish and the pirates had already seen: the biggest whale he’d ever seen, big blue face marked with hundreds of years of scars, charging towards them…

And its mouth was wide open!

There was no time to react.

The whale’s giant mouth sucked all the water with so much force that the pirate ship’s engines were useless. It spun around and disappeared into the darkness without a sound.

TorrentBoy braced against the edges of his bubble, looking for some way to escape.

“Rezzit!” he called. “Give it everything you’ve got!”

“Giving!” Rezzit yelled, and both bubbles powered up, turning a bright orange, and started hurtling through the water, away from the whale.

For a moment, it looked like they were going to make it. The sea was calmer suddenly… but then the school of fish started chasing them, excited by the orange glow, and before they knew what was happening, the whale was upon them again!

“Faster!” TorrentBoy yelled.

“This IS faster!” Rezzit yelled back.

David’s bubble was falling behind, caught in the wake of the fish, and soon it was clear he was going to be swallowed too!

“David!” TorrentBoy screamed.

Just then, something shot in from above, moving so fast it was just a blur of light and bubbles. David was knocked to safety just in time!

The blurry stranger came to a stop behind the massive whale.

“Hewwo fishy,” said Crash, powering up his blaster again. “Wanna pway sushi?”

The whale just kept charging forward, munching fish as it went.

“Rezzit, any ideas?” TorrentBoy asked.

“A giant bottle of soy sauce?”

“Something more useful!”

“When did I start being useful?”

“Aghhh!” TorrentBoy grumbled, just before his bubble lurched backwards, and was sucked down into the mouth of the beast!

“Great. Now I feel guilty,” Rezzit sighed.

“TorrentBoy!” yelled David, racing into the whale’s mouth too. Crash was left all alone outside, with an unhappy look on his face.

“I don’t wike fishies,” he grumbled. “Dey smell gwoss and dey’re vewy sticky too.”

“I completely agree with… whatever it is you just said,” said Rezzit.

“But I guess I should save TowwentBoy anyway.”

“I guess.”

“All wight den. Wet’s see what dis fishy ate for bweakfast!”

Crash shot himself straight into the whale’s mouth without another thought.

Inside, it was dark and smelly, with giant piles of throat goo all over the place. It was like someone had sneezed into an old ham and cheese sandwich, and soaked it in vinegar.

The good news was there was air inside, so Rezzit could shut off the bubbles. The bad news was that they were very, very stuck. TorrentBoy found himself lying on the top of the pirate ship, coughing salt water onto the black metal top.

“David!” he gasped. “David, where are you?”

David popped out of the water next to the pirate ship, not looking scared at all… he looked… happy?

“This is awesome!” he laughed. “Wait till I tell the kids at school about this!”

“He assumes he’s ever going to see them again,” noted Rezzit.

“Come on, quick!” TorrentBoy said, pulling David up onto the ship. “We’ve got to get out of here before the pirates—”

“Ahoy!” came a gnarly voice from behind. They turned and saw a big, brick-like man with a patch over one eye and a glowing laser sabre. He did not look like he wanted to stop by for tea.

“Ahoy!” shouted another four pirates, none of whom looked very friendly.

“This is not good,” TorrentBoy muttered. “Rezzit, what can you give me?”

“I can wish you luck.”

“That’s it?”

“There’s not enough air in here to power up most of your weapons. You can use a TorrentShock once, but then you wouldn’t be able to breathe anymore. Does that sound like a good plan to you?”

TorrentBoy backed up another step, keeping David safe.

“So what do you suggest?”

“Get the bear to save you.”

“Crash is here? Where?”

“Look up.”

There, up near the roof of the whale’s head, was Crash, holding on to the inside of the blow hole. He did not seem very happy with all the fish slime he was touching.

“Evewybody hold on to somefing!” he shouted. “I’m going to tickle da fishy and make him sneeze us out!”

TorrentBoy looked at the pirates, who seemed uncertain about this plan too.

“Will that even work?” he asked Rezzit.

“There is no way anyone can answer that question without being completely insane.”

“Here we go!” Crash yelled, and stuck his paw right up the hole. A few seconds later, something happened…

Crash got sucked straight into the blow hole!

“Crash!” TorrentBoy screamed, but there was nothing he could do! The pirates were closing in, and he had no way to fight them!

“Stay back! I’m warning you!” he said.

“What are you gonna do,” grinned the closest pirate. “You don’t have no weapons!”

It was hard to argue with that.

“David, any ideas?” he asked, and when he turned around, he saw David was playing with a glowing blue baby crab.

“Look!” David exclaimed. “It’s my pet! I’m going to call him Charlie.”

TorrentBoy was having a hard time figuring out how this was supposed to be a plan.

“I need help fighting pirates right now,” he said. “Can we talk about Charlie later?”

“What should I feed him?” David asked, ignoring him completely.

“Unless he eats pirates, I don’t really care right now.”

David looked hurt.

Just then, he was grabbed from behind by a shorter pirate with a tattoo of a black rose on his face. He pulled David away, keeping a careful eye on TorrentBoy the whole time.

“Now then, boyo,” said the first pirate. “How do ye want to go? The easy way, or the hard way?”

“Which way hurts less?”

“They both hurt.”

“Hmm. Can I have a minute to think about it?”

All the pirates turned on their laser sabres and moved in closer, their grins revealing rotting teeth and foul breath.

“No ye can’t,” the lead pirate said. “‘cause your time is up!”

At first, Crash didn’t know what was going on. Everything went dark, but he was moving very quickly… and then, without warning, he was flying high in the air in a giant glob of whale goo!

A seagull soared by, saw the slimy floating teddy bear, and got so confused he slammed straight into a sailboat.

Crash got to laugh a tiny bit before he fell back into the water, diving deep and fast until most of the goo had washed away.

He couldn’t see the whale anymore, but he did see lights, so he swam as fast as his little legs would carry him.

“Wezzit,” he blubbled, “where is da fishy?”

“Too far away to catch,” Rezzit replied. “And I don’t have enough energy to protect you and TorrentBoy, so you’re on your own.”

“Fanks a wot,” Crash grumbled.

“I have no idea what you just said.”

Crash saw a dolphin swimming nearby, and he raced towards it at full speed. It was gliding through the water so quickly he had couldn’t catch it, so he stopped, reached into his pocket, and put on the biggest smile he had.

“Oh fishy!” he called. “Wook what I got here!”

The dolphin stopped moving, looked at Crash suspiciously.

“It’s a fishy tweat!” Crash said. “Mmm, fishy tweat.”

The dolphin inched closer, still not sure.

“If onwy I had somebody to share my fishy tweat wif,” Crash sighed. “But dere is nobody awound who would wike it at all…”

The dolphin was so close Crash could kiss it (if he were the kind of bear that kissed dolphins). They looked into each other’s eyes, caught in the moment… and then Crash grabbed the dolphin’s tail!

The dolphin was not amused. It started to thrash and swing around, trying to knock Crash off. But Crash was a very persistent teddy, and he didn’t lose his grip. He rode the dolphin like a wild stallion, diving deeper and deeper into the ocean until they were racing past the Protectorate Guard ship!

“Whoa dere, fishy!” Crash called. “Back up a bit!”

The dolphin was not in the mood to take orders. It started spinning around in circles so fast that Crash felt sick, but he still didn’t let go.

“Fishy!” Crash warned. “Stop pwaying games and chase dat boat!”

The dolphin made a noise that was dolphin for “get off my back you stinky bear!” Luckily, Crash didn’t understand dolphinspeak, or he would have been very offended.

“Fishy!” Crash said. “Chase da boat or will haff to do something vewy mean to you, wike wicking your tail!”

The dolphin thought for a moment about Crash licking its tail, and decided immediately that it did not like the idea. So it started racing towards the ship in the distance, trying to get there quickly so it could get rid of the bear.

When they finally caught up, Crash patted the dolphin on the head and jumped off, grabbing hold of one of the Protectorate Guard ship’s doors. The handle was rusty and barely moved, so Crash had to drag himself along the side of the hull until he found another door.

This one was marked: “torpedoes”, and had a big red “X” over it. Crash wasn’t entirely sure what torpedoes were, but he did know that “X” marks the spot, so he pulled the door open.

Inside, it was dark and cramped. Crash pushed down a long tube until he reached another door. It didn’t have a handle, and he couldn’t find a way to open it, so he did what any polite bear would do, and knocked.

At first, he heard nothing. But then, he heard the sounds of whispers from the other side. There was somebody there for sure. He knocked again.

The whispers stopped. He listened carefully.

Somebody knocked back.

Crash knocked again.

Somebody knocked back again.

Crash knocked more urgently, and the other people knocked urgently too.

Finally, Crash had had enough.

“Hey!” he shouted. “Dis isn’t a knock-knock joke! Open the door before I get cwanky!”

A few seconds later, there was a loud crunching noise, and the door opened up! Crash plopped out of the tube and landed on the floor below, soaking wet but otherwise fine.

“Fank you,” he said, shaking the water off. “Dat was a vewy cwamped pwace for a bear wike me.”

But when he looked up, nobody was there.

He stood up, checked around the corner, and then back the other way. Still, nobody was there. He went on a little walk down the hall, looking at all the buttons and switches and flashing lights as he went. He didn’t know what any of them did, but boy oh boy did he want to push them!

Just then, he heard loud footsteps ahead, and the door in front of him flew open and five very large men came running in, aiming their blasters at him. They did not look very friendly at all.

“Hewwo,” Crash said carefully. “My name is Cwash. I am wooking for a vewy big fishy.”

The large men turned on their blasters. Apparently, they were not tour guides.

“Halt, pirate!” shouted the closest one, who had a big bony chin with a dimple in it. “Don’t move a muscle! It’s off to the brig with you!”

Crash frowned at him.

“Piwate?” he asked. “I’m not a piwate! Are you cwazy?”

He held out his arms to illustrate what crazy looks like, but stopped when he heard the jingle jingle of the costume he’d put earlier.

The pirate costume.

“Dwat,” he sighed, and they jumped on him.

TorrentBoy had nowhere left to run. There were pirates on every side, and they were ready to attack!

“Arrr!” spat the closest pirate. “How d’ye like my sword?”

He swung his sword up high, ready to strike! TorrentBoy wasted no time: he poked the pirate in the eyes with his fingers, and the sword dropped free, straight into his hand!

“Yargh!” the pirate screamed, holding his eyes. “Ye scurvy dog! Get ‘im, lads!”

TorrentBoy spun the sword around, ready to fight. He’d never used a sword before, but he’d seen a lot of them on TV. How hard could it be?

The first attack came from the left, and he barely avoided having his arm chopped off by a swishing sabre. He swung back with his sword, but missed completely. Another pirate charged from the right, but he blocked with the butt of his weapon, just in time!

A quick kick to his leg knocked him off balance, and he landed on the ground with a thump. A big hairy pirate tried to flatten him with a giant hammer, but he rolled out of the way as the metal smashed into the ship beside him.

“That was close,” he gasped.

“No kidding,” agreed Rezzit. “And here comes another!”

TorrentBoy barely had time to react before the hammer landed right where he’d been lying. He quickly used his sword to cut the big pirate’s belt, and his pants fell down around his ankles!

“Teddy bear underwear?” TorrentBoy laughed.

“Crash’ll be thrilled,” said Rezzit.

The big pirate’s face turned red and he waddled off in shame, crying like a baby.

TorrentBoy felt a tug at his foot, and then he was being lifted off the ground by his feet, swung around and around in circles!

“I’m gonna throw up!” he yelled.

“Away ye go!” laughed the first pirate, and then TorrentBoy was released, flying through the air, and collided with the door to the pirate ship. He landed on the ground with a thud, rolled a short distance away.

“That wasn’t fun,” he groaned.

“Bouncy-boy, behind you!”

When he turned around, TorrentBoy saw the door opening, and out walked a giant, fearsome-looking man with wild orange hair, a patch over one eye, and a big skull-and-crossbones emblem on a sash around his waist. His laser sabre glowed blood red.

“Big bad pirate,” TorrentBoy squeaked.

“So you be the one who’s been gettin’ our way, are ye?” the pirate sneered.

“That’s right. Got a problem with it?”

The pirate laughed loudly, and TorrentBoy noticed how laughing pirates are somehow scarier than angry ones.

“No more than I be bothered by a fly! Now, ye stickly lad, prepare to taste the blade of Captain Cornficker!”

“Captain what?”

“Cornficker.”

“That’s your name?”

“Yes it be. Making fun of it, are ye?”

“No,” said TorrentBoy, shrugging. “It’s just not very scary, is it? Couldn’t you have come up with something better?”

“Me mam gave me this name!”

“Wow. What did they call you in school? Corny?”

“Kid, don’t make the scary man angry.”

“Sicky Ficky,” the pirate said, looking a bit sad at the memory.

“That couldn’t have been fun,” said TorrentBoy.

“It wasn’t,” said Captain Cornficker. “Every day at attendance, everyone laughed at me.”

“Kids can be mean,” TorrentBoy sympathized, getting to his knees, trying to find a way to escape while the pirates were distracted.

“Aye, they can,” nodded the captain. “Mean and cold as the sea. But I learned from them, got cold m’self. And now I’m the meanest pirate the world’s ever known!”

“Yarrr!” agreed the rest of the pirates.

TorrentBoy was just about to make his move when Cornficker’s blade touched his chin.

“Ye won’t be gettin’ away so easy!” he said. “Neither you nor your little friend! Bring’im up, lads!”

With a quick shove, David was pushed to the front of the crowd, falling to his knees next to TorrentBoy. He looked over, sad and scared. In his arms was Charlie, the baby crab.

“What be that?” asked Captain Cornficker, pointing at Charlie with his sword.

“It’s Charlie,” said David, holding up the crab.

The captain gasped and stumbled back.

“Ye fools! That be a proton crab!”

The rest of the pirates backed up as well.

“What’s so special about a proton crab?” TorrentBoy asked, just before the entire ship shook violently. A giant blue and glowing claw reached up over the side, followed by pointy legs scratching and scrambling, and finally they saw it: a gigantic crab! Charlie’s mother!

“That looks like bad news,” TorrentBoy sighed.

“Then get ready for more,” warned Rezzit. “Look around!”

There, coming out of the water all around the ship, were another ten giant crabs, all looking very angry! The pirates held their swords ready, but their arms shook with fear.

“What do we do?” David whispered to TorrentBoy.

“Try not to be sea food!”

TorrentBoy ducked to avoid a massive blue claw, feeling a whoosh of air as it swung where his head used to be. He grabbed David by the arm and pulled him, too, toppling over the edge of the ship and into the water.

But down there, there were even more crabs! David was hugging Charlie with all his might, and the little crab seemed to be hugging back. TorrentBoy rolled his eyes, then yanked David back onto the ship.

The pirates were fighting as hard as they could against the crabs, but they were outnumbered. One of the biggest pirates got grabbed by his leg and thrown high in the air, landing with a sploosh in the water.

“Double up, lads!” called Captain Cornficker. “Back-to-back, stop them crabs ‘fore they get aboard!”

But it was too late! The crabs were all over the ship, claws snapping, legs scratching, backing the pirates (and TorrentBoy and David) into a tiny clearing, surrounded on all sides.

TorrentBoy bumped into one of the uglier pirates.

“Arrr!” yelled the pirate. “It’s the landlubber!”

“Arrr yourself,” said TorrentBoy. “Aren’t there more important things to do right now?”

“Like what?” said the pirate.

“I dunno, picking flowers, dancing the jig, or maybe fighting proton crabs?”

The pirate looked around him and his face went from angry to scared.

“Ah, now I remember.”

Just then, he was grabbed by a crab and thrown into the water. He splashed around before sinking out of sight.

“TorrentBurst please?” TorrentBoy asked Rezzit.

“I keep telling you, we’ll run out of air.”

“How much air?”

“All of it.”

“But if I don’t do something, we’ll be dead, and we won’t need air anymore.”

“I see your point.”

“So what can I do?”

“Tell your friend to ditch the baby so his family goes away.”

TorrentBoy glanced over at David.

“That’s the most useful thing you’ve said all day.”

“I’ll pretend that was a compliment.”

“David,” TorrentBoy gently, “do you think we could let your freaky baby—”

“His name is Charlie!”

TorrentBoy looked at Charlie. He was a freaky baby crab. But okay…

“All right. Do you think we can let Charlie go back to his family?”

“But they’re scary!”

“Yes they are. They’re freaky and scary, but so is Charlie.”

“Charlie is cute!”

“Do you need glasses, David?”

“He’s cute and cuddly!”

TorrentBoy thought really hard about what to say.

“David,” he said carefully. “You know how, when you were a baby, everyone said you were adorable?”

“They did?”

“Pretend they did.”

“Okay. That sounds nice anyway.”

“Right,” said TorrentBoy. “But even though you were adorable, nobody would’ve said that about your dad, right?”

“Why not?” said David, eyes watering with tears.

“Because he was old and… you don’t call grown-up men ‘adorable’, right?”

“I suppose.”

“So even though you were adorable and your dad wasn’t, you still loved each other, right?”

David looked down at Charlie for a second and sniffled. The pirates were getting thrown away really quickly now. Time was running out.

“Are you saying my dad is ugly?” asked David.

TorrentBoy smacked his forehead with his hand.

“Listen, David—”

Just then, Captain Cornficker shoved them aside and fought a massive crab with his sword, fighting like they were sworn enemies in a duel to the death. The crab tried to stab David, but the Captain blocked the blow, keeping David safe.

“Th-thanks!” David stammered.

“M’pleasure!” said Cornficker. “Now ditch yer crab or we’ll ditch the two of ya!”

Before anyone could do anything, Captain Cornficker was grabbed by the leg and thrown into the air! But instead of landing in the water, he was passed from crab to crab, down into the darkest parts of the whale’s guts!

“Cap’n!” screamed the remaining pirates. “Cap’n! Come back!”

“That’s it!” said TorrentBoy. “I’ve had enough! Rezzit, how much air would I use for a really simple TorrentBoost?”

“Not as much?”

“Good, let’s do it!”

“How is that going to help?”

“Watch and learn!” said TorrentBoy. “TorrentBoost on!”

The blue energy swirled around his arms and legs like cyclones, and he felt himself get stronger and faster! He put one foot back, held his arms ready, and grinned at the closest crab.

“Time for some TorrentBoy karate!” he said, and leapt at the closest crab. The crabs were big and strong, but not very quick. TorrentBoy dodged each blow, grabbed the crab by the leg, and flipped it off the ship.

Two more charged at him, and he ducked down, planted his feet on their underbellies, and did a hurricane kick up and into the air, and the crabs crashed away.

But just as he landed, something caught him off guard. Something terrible. Something awful.

“What’s that smell?”

David looked ashamed, whistled to himself.

“David?” gagged TorrentBoy. “Did you just f—”

But just then, a giant grab landed on top of David, and dragged him and Charlie back into the water!

Crash’s arms were chained together, and he jingled as he walked down the long hallway towards the brig, where all the worst criminals were kept.

“Wisten,” he said, “I am not weally a piwate. I’m a good guy.”

“Save it, pirate scum!” shouted the Protectorate Guard behind him.

“If I were weawwy a piwate, why aren’t I talking wike a piwate?”

The guard stopped, rubbed his chin, and made a burbling noise as he thought. It looked like hard work.

“I don’t know,” he said. “But I’ll bet it’s a trap. It’s always a trap with you pirates. Why, I once saw a pirate dressed like a little girl with a pink lollipop, and when I got closer, she got a patch on her eye and a hook for her hand, and she did all kinds of piratey things.”

“What kinds of fings do piwates do, anyway?”

“Oh, you know. They say ‘yarr’ a lot and… and they smell bad.”

“I don’t smell dat bad.”

The guard sniffed him.

“You smell like seaweed.”

“I’ve been fwoating awound a wot.”

“It’s no excuse.”

Crash shrugged. It’s true. There was never any good excuse for smelling like seaweed, unless you were actually seaweed, in which case it was pretty much a requirement.

The guard opened a heavy metal door next to Crash and pushed him in, then slammed it shut. It was tiny cell, only a bit bigger than Crash himself, and it smelled terrible.

“How wong am I going to be in here?” he called.

“For as long as it takes!” yelled the guard.

“But how wong is dat?”

The guard appeared at the tiny window in the door. He did not look amused.

“I said ‘for as long as it takes.’ Don’t you listen?”

“How wong does what take?”

The guard seemed confused by this.

“The…” he said, “how long it takes for… I’m… I don’t know! Stop asking stupid questions!”

Crash sat down on the floor with his chainy hands, and started counting by twos to pass the time. He only got as far as sixteen before the door opened, and a big, burly man with a big, burly face leaned in. He smelled like seaweed too. The grossest kind of seaweed.

“Hello, pirate!” he laughed. “How do you like the brig?”

“It’s kinda small,” said Crash.

The burly man just smiled for a second. His two front teeth were golden, and they twinkled in the dim light.

“Tell me where the rest of your pirate friends are hiding!” he said angrily.

“I don’t have piwate fweinds,” Crash sighed.

“I told you, captain!” squeaked the other guard from behind. “He says he’s not a pirate!”

“Ha!” laughed the burly captain. “If he’s not a pirate, I’m a octopus’ grandma!”

“You don’t wook wike a gwandma…” Crash said suspiciously. “Most gwandmas wear dwesses and have big old gwasses and—”

“Silence, pirate scum!” boomed the captain, standing so tall he almost bumped his head on the ceiling. “Tell me what I want to know, or it’s the brig for you!”

The guard coughed nervously.

“Um, captain… he’s already in the brig.”

“He’s what?”

“He’s already in the brig, captain. I don’t think it scares him, either.”

Crash was using his chains to swing from a water pipe above him. He was doing somersaults and backflips.

“Whee!”

The captain and the guard stepped outside to talk quietly. The captain’s face was as red as a tomato, and ready to burst.

“What else can we do?” he asked the guard. What’s worse than the brig?”

“The meal hall?”

“No, not the meal hall! Something scary!”

“The macaroni and sea onions are pretty scary, captain…”

The captain pounded his fist against the wall so hard it dented in, and he yelled furiously. The guard whimpered as if he’d been the one to do it.

“What’s worse than the macaroni and sea onions?” the captain boomed.

The guard thought for a minute, and then his face lit up with a giant smile. He leaned forward and whispered in the captain’s ear, and then the captain’s face lit up too!

He turned around and growled at Crash, who had stopped swinging on pipes because it made him feel a bit sick.

“Pirate!” the captain yelled. “Unless you tell me where your friends are hiding, and what they know, I will be forced to be very, very cruel to you.”

“You alweady smell gwoss,” said Crash. “What else is dere?”

The captain’s eyes glowed red with anger.

“I can do worse,” he said.

“Well I guess you’ll just have to twy, because no matter how many times you ask me, I’m not gonna be a piwate!”

The captain grabbed Crash by the head and carried him out into the hall, down a long, twisty passage, and finally to a giant set of doors marked with dark red paint and warning signs. He put one hand on the handle, and held Crash close to his face, where he said in as mean a voice as possible:

“Where are the pirates?”

“You smell wike poo,” Crash gagged.

The captain spun open the door and held Crash back, then smiled as he said:

“Have it your way! Tell your jokes to Cutter!”

“Who’s Cutter?” Crash asked.

“Our pet shark! And he loves eating bears!”

And with that, Crash was thrown into Cutter’s special room!